Wet Darlings Turn Out To Be Egotistical Jackasses

June 22, 2011

Columbus, Music

The Wet Who-lings, you say? If you’re not familiar with the Wet Willies, stand in line over there, in between the signs that say “Everyone” and “In the world.” These not-so Darlings are a Columbus-based local band that find it humorous to beat down on young, aspiring musicians/shorts models that want so desperately to stroke the ego of their moist idols. The blog post that we’re putting on trial can be found here. Let’s take a looksie under the microscope, shall we?

Because I want to listen to this band when I google bicycles, lutes, and my nephew Ethan.

First of all, what we have here is the drummer of the Wet Schmarlings goading his student into covering their song with his band and recording a video of it on YouTube. The kids sound great, aside from their poor taste of song, and truly exhibit the attitude necessary to break from the bonds of young musicianship and blossom into beautiful little musical flowers. The kids were set up, however, as the Wheat Darings waited like a troll under the bridge for their chance to one up a bunch of little kids and compare themselves as superior alternatives.


While it’s unknown which member runs the blog, but my best guess is the girl singer – because she essentially beats everybody with a point system down except for the girl singer of the children’s band, citing amazing “sass and courage” for being a girl that sings in a male fronted rock band as the reason for positive review. Sass and courage? Are you trying to say this kid is a sassy little lion, or are you trying to tell the world what you really think of yourself? If you want “sass and courage”, I suggest you look up prominent female vocalists like Wendy O. Williams, who did courageous things like chain sawing guitars without worrying about getting cut. Instead of telling a girl that she’s special for being a girl, how about you tell her she’s special for being a good musician? If you want to congratulate her for being a girl, say something like, “hey, great job not being naked on facebook” or something like that, put on some non-prescription glasses, and go back to taking pictures and thinking that you’re an individual or something.

If only the Wet Darlings could give fashion advice to Bruce Springsteen, he might have had a successful music career

The next thing that really irks me is that she decides that it’s a good idea to slam the kids’ fashion choices by commenting on not matching their outfits, and wearing sandals and shorts. Really, is this what you’ve come to? Mocking outfits? How about I mock your outfits? The Wet Darlings should be called the Bad Dressedlings. They dress more poorly than Fred Durst and Kid Rock at a camouflage convention. See how it feels, Wet Barings? See how it feels?

And finally, they tie their narcissism all together by posting a video of themselves playing the song – kind of like saying, “hey, you guys are alright but there’s a lot of things wrong here. Let me show you how we, the people who wrote the song, do it so much better than you.” Really? The kids were decent enough to cover your song, put it on YouTube, and you rip out their souls and show them a better version of the song they just covered? Classy, guys…real classy.

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9 Comments on “Wet Darlings Turn Out To Be Egotistical Jackasses”

  1. Aaron Says:

    If you take things out of context and write about them without knowing how this all came to be, then sure, you can look at it your way. However, considering my student Evan came to me and asked if we’d be willing to write out guitar and bass tabs so that his band could cover, I’d hardly call that goading. I was humbled and honored to find out that he and his bandmates had an interest in covering one of our songs, and I did everything I could to help him fulfill that goal.

    I’ve known Evan for several years now, and he makes more cracks on me than I can keep up with, b/c he has a great sense of humor. As such, Evan and his friends took no offense to our “critique,” as it was clearly a joke. I’m confident no one’s feelings were hurt, as I talked with him just yesterday about hanging out at Comfest this weekend. Sometime friends jibe each other. However, if you try to make judgements on peoples’ relationships when you have no idea about who those people are, then often times things are not as they appear.

    Fyi, Jenny’s last name is “Lute,” and the song is called “Bicycle.” We’re sorry if you disagree with our use of search terms. We thought that people might want to be able to find a post about that song by searching for it’s title.

    By the way, I checked with Evan, and he assured me that his soul is still intact, but we both appreciate your concern.

    Aaron Bishara


    • stan Says:

      The fact that this guy responded adds weight to the author’s article. Why automatically defend yourself if this wasn’t the case? Guilty!


      • Aaron Says:

        Nah, not guilty. I’m just too slow to realize that this was a satire, b/c I didn’t see the tags. I already admitted (below Flint’s comment) that I feel like an idiot.

  2. Aaron Says:

    Ummm… Yeah. Totally did not see those tags, sir. My bad. I feel like an idiot, now.

    Those tags are small.


  3. stan Says:

    now you’re on the trolley


  4. jennylute Says:

    Actually, Jenny didn’t write that hilarious bloggyblog. She’s pretty lazy and barely blogs at all.


  5. mightymayes Says:



  6. beef bluff Says:

    satire! hahah. yeah. ok. sooooo… you sound like my ex-boyfriend with all the “wet wonkas”, “wet blankets”, “wheat darings” and so on…. he STILL refuses to call my boyfriend by his actual name. he always picks a name that starts with the same letter though and OMG….. totes hilarious, you guys! NOT. Duuuuuumb. and boring. and dumb. *yaaawn*


  7. Jennifer Says:

    In a lot circumstances if you stick to the plan, it is pretty easy to get your ex back. A lot of people have done it when not sticking to the guidelines, so when you do stick to it, you have a way better chance


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